For someone who is in an intimate relationship with a partner with BPD, they may notice that 98% of the time, things are normal and healthy in the relationship.

It is when a deep wound or fear is triggered that they will see a change in their partner’s behaviour. They may see a “different person come out” and this is where BPD is recognized.

It’s important to remember that this is an entirely different way of thinking, feeling and operating for their partner as they are drawing from a different toolkit - a toolkit of survival.
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