https://tomcardy.bandtshirts.com.au

Hey Tom!

We appreciate your honesty, however this is the last email we will be sending on the matter. Everyone on the team has worked really hard to make the recent merchandise line the best it can be. We accept that this does not give us the right to tell you how to market the product, but we would like to re-emphasise some key points. How you receive these points may impact our future business together:

1. Playing "hard to get" does not work in a sales context, especially when you are selling product as idiosyncratic as a 'don't f*&k my dad' mug. Potentially this design was doomed from the beginning.

2. "Splooge" is not a colour.

3. "Ridiculous Stock" is not a/your catchphrase, it doesn't make sense without context and even with context it does not encourage sales. What is ridiculous about the stock? We urge you to explain, or remove this reference altogether. At the moment it is about 25% of your marketing campaign.

4. Many of the team feel it inappropriate that you demand to try on every piece of clothing before it is shipped for "quality testing". Not only does it delay shipment of the product to customers, but the hand written notes you leave in the pockets are not appreciated. Writing "They be tryn' ta brainwash ye and nab ya tasties!" in hopes of communicating with the customer is confusing, and means we have had to employ extra staff to vet each inseam and hidden pocket. Also, stop sewing more pockets onto the merchandise.